I bring this email to you a little later than planned. Strength and mental fitness have been an all time low this week. When I discovered I tested positive for Covid 19, it took so much out of me.
I was always the one who would dread getting it, well who the hell wants it, but the most thing I feared was having to self-isolate for 7 days and sit with my thoughts. For anyone who knows me, and for those who don’t, I will give you a little insight to just how difficult it was.
Firstly, GUILT as I know may people have lost loved ones, when they couldn’t even give their loved ones the send off they deserved and that stirred up so many emotions for me, thinking of people I knew who went through that. And I am here….. double vaccinated and boosted!
But discovering I had it, saw the walls come crashing down on my in the form of fatigue. It was the thoughts of having to sit with it, no going out, no training, no appetite, no energy and a general feeling of “meh” a word I always hated. Brain fog set in, I couldn’t remember words, getting cranky & frustrated, looking the weights, looking at the yoga mat, and knowing I couldn’t, I tried to meditate, something that has always been saviour. Yet, I couldn’t, I just turned my back on it.
After 2 days, of this…. I know I had to change tactic, I was falling into feeling sorry for myself, I started to listen to podcasts and going over my notes of a recent course I studied on positive psychology. Slowly the mindset changed again. I started writing 5 things I accomplished in the day:
- Got dressed (after day 2)
- Went outside for a walk
- Listened to my body
- Painted with my little boy
- Helped him with his homework without rushing
It’s a simple yet powerful practice that shows on paper that I am showing up and making progress. And then, I was able to sit in the stillness and quieten the mind. A mantra I have stuck out in my mind:
“Always believe you are braver thank you think, stronger then you seem and loved more than you know”.
When I took the pressure off myself, I realised I am allowed to rest, it’s ok, not everything I think is true. After day 3, I tuned inwards again, and began my meditation, this time, my practice was deeper than before. As through my struggles, my mind gently settled and I surrounded to the situation.
For anyone going through Covid or have family members going through it, please remember this too shall pass; Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
Coming back, fighting